I will never forget what it felt like to hold him close to me those first few hours after he was born. What a miracle! My kidneys started to fail after a long, hard pregnancy and twenty-four hours of labor. They had to give me oxygen because things got scary for McKay and me, but we made it through by miracles all over and angels standing by. I carried him all the way to thirty-seven weeks, which was amazing. Doctor Esplin kept saying, "If you can just make it to twenty-four weeks he'll be ok." "If you can just make it to thirty weeks everything will be fine." and "Anything over thirty-two weeks is gravy." I was prepared for any circumstance. I knew the risks, the complications and the probabilities. When they put his tiny little body in my arms I was so tired and cold and honestly I felt totally overwhelmed, but I knew that I held a physical embodiment of God's love there in my arms. And he surpassed all the dreams I had had of his face and perfection. This amazing little man was my responsibility and I knew God would give me strength beyond my own to see that he will get the love and nurturing he needs.

Doug is unabashedly romantic. I thought he was just going to buy me a cd or something for Valentines Day, though to me the best thing is an outward display of his most inward emotions. He has told me how hard it is for him to write his feelings down so I was pleasantly surprised when he handed me a beautifully stained wooden box and a rolled piece of paper tied with heart ribbon. I opened it and got lost in the poetry of his love and devotion on the linen paper. He loves to surprise me. He told me he also scheduled me for a hair appointment on Wednesday. What a man! He is amazing and I am so lucky he has stuck by me through everything! I love you Doug!

McKay has spent the better part of the morning making messes all over. I finally realized he was trying to get my attention and said, "Mommy wants to play with you! Let's go play!" And sure enough, he sat right by me and we put Mr Potato Head together and stacked blocks and read books. After I put him down for his nap I had to go back and wipe up the yogurt, spilled milk and crushed crackers that were all over the kitchen floor. I love how the simplest things please him. I need to remember to be more like him because he is the happiest, most adorable kid ever! (Even when he shoves chicken nuggets in any hole he can find!) Doug and I just laugh. He is a little boy and really really good at it! He loves any kind of cookie, yogurt(as a painting medium too), any chocolate, Elmo, Curious George, looking at fishies, birds and all his Grandparents. He loves to play with his cousins. We had a sleep over with them on Satruday night and he was the happiest kid to be surrounded by all those fun boys! He has learned how to take his diaper off and I went in to see why he was yelling loud when he should have been sleeping and pointed at his discarded dipe in the crib and then the stream of urine across the floor. After I got done laughing about it I had fun giving him a bath(another favorite of his). He is so fun and I love to see him happy!

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

Elizabeth Stone

This time of year has always been hard for me, but now that McKay is 20 months and running EVERYWHERE I have been able to see the lighter side of things. I love to hear McKay's laugh. That is the happiest sound I have ever heard. He brings so much joy to everyone, especially Grandma and Grandpa Hayes. We watch him explore and play and it reminds me that happiness is just seconds away. I live to see Doug and McKay happy! I knew I would love being a mom and a wife, but the overwhelming joy and love I feel for them shocks me with its power and expandable nature. And when McKay reaches for me I understand just a bit of what He feels for each of us. This tiny little person is my world, my life and my salvation! I love being a mommy!

I just found out Kristy Bateman died this weekend, after a car accident that sent her to the IMC. I have worked with Kristy a few times at Parsons and found her to be very fun and exciting. It is shocking that she is gone, and at such a young age. I'll miss you Kristy!